Last week, I read an article by Aamir Khan about aspects of Indian marriages. This article was addressed to the youngsters who are not married yet, but I found that in his article, Aamir contributed very little to answer the youngsters who are going to get married, and focused on general customs of wedding that are mostly dominated by the elders of the family. I am not a love guru or an physiological expert, but Aamir challenging the basic premises of Indian marriage didn't sound completely right to me.
Let me start with a lighter note. He insisted on having merry with 'sherbat' marriages. Is it practical? Indians are well known to party and food is their primary ingredient of the party. Are sherbat weddings going to be successful? Why would people travel far distances to a wedding when they are aware that only sherbat is going to be served and guest ladies (again Indian house, so ladies cook) have to cook for their families after attending the wedding? Instead, we should be thinking about downsizing the number of people we invite for any marriages. Instead of calling all the tauji ke mausi ke saas and sasur, we limit the number of people to a select few and serve them food as per our budget. And I am not insisting having massive weddings, No. Also, don't get upset if you are not invited to someone's wedding. You are important to the couple but the family has some valid cause for keeping you out of the wedding.
To get the above thing done, Indians and yes; this is the older and younger generation, have to understand that we should stop comparing our family and its spending habit with that of the others. Be proud of what you wear or offer on the day of your wedding. It is important for a bride or groom to look beautiful and smart on that day because it is the day of their life when all the eyes are on them but don't compare a saree that Megha's (just an Indian name) mom bought as compared to what your Mom got for you. I am sure if we are confident within ourselves, we will look beautiful to the outside world. The younger generation has to understand this fact.
I am opposed to dowry. So what is dowry? Its a forceful way of extracting money from bride's family. Aamir mentioned that the savings from any wedding should be diverted to girl's future in buying her gifts or whatever. Over a period of time, and this is happening even today, this gift culture will be as bad as the dowry system. The boy's family would say, my elder daughter-in-law and son got a BMW for their wedding. In the judicial system, this is not dowry but pressure mounts on the younger son's father-in-law and family to "gift'' something equivalent. I always think practical. Before getting into such gift business, parents of both the boy and the girl can contribute equally to their children's future, I insist equally. If this condition is not met, well the parents can rethink about the alliance. This is just and feasible because these days both boys and girls are equally educated. So parents have 'invested' already in the boy or the girl. At the first place, I am even opposed to taking unnecessary gifts from parents. They have given us the education, which should be the biggest gift for achieving whatever we want in life and we should aim towards that.
Last but not the least, getting to know each other better instead of spending time on trivial stuff like shopping and other such stuff. It is easy to write "get to know each other", but again is it possible to know a person before actually starting to live with him/her? Beware, I am not advocating live-in relationship before marriage here, but aspects like trust, compatibility, empathy, understanding, and adjustments come into picture only when we get to know a person (and in the Indian setting, his/her family) very well. It would be very difficult to judge a person from initial dates to restaurants, parks, and beaches. How do we understand each other so well that we can live happily ever after is probably a good research topic.
Again, I do agree with Aamir about less spending and opposing dowry but changing the customs in Indians marriages need to be thought of very carefully or else it would just be an article for people to read.
Let me start with a lighter note. He insisted on having merry with 'sherbat' marriages. Is it practical? Indians are well known to party and food is their primary ingredient of the party. Are sherbat weddings going to be successful? Why would people travel far distances to a wedding when they are aware that only sherbat is going to be served and guest ladies (again Indian house, so ladies cook) have to cook for their families after attending the wedding? Instead, we should be thinking about downsizing the number of people we invite for any marriages. Instead of calling all the tauji ke mausi ke saas and sasur, we limit the number of people to a select few and serve them food as per our budget. And I am not insisting having massive weddings, No. Also, don't get upset if you are not invited to someone's wedding. You are important to the couple but the family has some valid cause for keeping you out of the wedding.
To get the above thing done, Indians and yes; this is the older and younger generation, have to understand that we should stop comparing our family and its spending habit with that of the others. Be proud of what you wear or offer on the day of your wedding. It is important for a bride or groom to look beautiful and smart on that day because it is the day of their life when all the eyes are on them but don't compare a saree that Megha's (just an Indian name) mom bought as compared to what your Mom got for you. I am sure if we are confident within ourselves, we will look beautiful to the outside world. The younger generation has to understand this fact.
I am opposed to dowry. So what is dowry? Its a forceful way of extracting money from bride's family. Aamir mentioned that the savings from any wedding should be diverted to girl's future in buying her gifts or whatever. Over a period of time, and this is happening even today, this gift culture will be as bad as the dowry system. The boy's family would say, my elder daughter-in-law and son got a BMW for their wedding. In the judicial system, this is not dowry but pressure mounts on the younger son's father-in-law and family to "gift'' something equivalent. I always think practical. Before getting into such gift business, parents of both the boy and the girl can contribute equally to their children's future, I insist equally. If this condition is not met, well the parents can rethink about the alliance. This is just and feasible because these days both boys and girls are equally educated. So parents have 'invested' already in the boy or the girl. At the first place, I am even opposed to taking unnecessary gifts from parents. They have given us the education, which should be the biggest gift for achieving whatever we want in life and we should aim towards that.
Last but not the least, getting to know each other better instead of spending time on trivial stuff like shopping and other such stuff. It is easy to write "get to know each other", but again is it possible to know a person before actually starting to live with him/her? Beware, I am not advocating live-in relationship before marriage here, but aspects like trust, compatibility, empathy, understanding, and adjustments come into picture only when we get to know a person (and in the Indian setting, his/her family) very well. It would be very difficult to judge a person from initial dates to restaurants, parks, and beaches. How do we understand each other so well that we can live happily ever after is probably a good research topic.
Again, I do agree with Aamir about less spending and opposing dowry but changing the customs in Indians marriages need to be thought of very carefully or else it would just be an article for people to read.
